I’m still searching for me

Let me dwell in my solitude
Let lonesomeness run its reign
Your sanity drives me crazy
Let me just stay insane


There’s a reason I stay aloof
There’s a reason I walk away
All that you wanna become
I have long shunned away


Deem me, a loser, I care less
I just wanna quit the chase
I ain’t fighting for the crown
I ain’t getting back in the race


You chase the joys of life
Let them lead you to ecstasy
I ain’t interested in anything
I’m still searching for me


~Shunyatha

Free Will

It’s happened before
It’ will happen again
Why then your heart fears
Why shed tears of pain


Ages lost in misery
Denying the truth
Why bother to rebel?
Waste your blest youth?


Why build the castle in air,
Dream of a distant shore
When descend is in order
Why even aspire to soar


Life shall not heed, no man
Nor be taken, or shun’d away
Fight all you want, as much can
It’s bound to end anyway


It follows its own course
The path you call Destiny
Why yearn to resist it
Why deny the eventuality


You may choose to believe
Live in the web of lies
Free will, but, is an illusion
Mere a cloak around your eyes



- Shunyatha

The Snake & The Charmer

He lived with a snake
Knew his life was at stake
So he licked venom each day
Till he was immune one day


He fed it half of his earning
Yet it stayed bitter and burning
He made it dance to his tune
That made it weak and swoon


It yearned for revenge
And chose to avenge
So deliberately it bit
Till he would catch a fit


He let it play the game
Hoping he can tame
But venom in blood rose
He bled from his nose


A drop more would kill
Knowing he made a will
No mercy for the rival
It’s a battle of survival


He caught it off guard
Crushed its head hard
Then strode along his way
To live for another day

- Shunyatha

Lets....

Let not your head sink in sorrows
For you won’t see what lies ahead
Let not your spirit crumble ever
For then you are as good as dead

Let not your feet give in to darkness
Only then will you find your way
Let not your eyes succumb to the night
And you will see the light of the day

Let not your mind worry over fate
For that keeps changing all the while
Let not your face get used to frown
For soon, it’ll have a reason to smile

Let not your heart lose its faith
For I’ll shadow wherever it goes
Let not your soul doubt me ever
For I am the one who knows

Let me take you to another world
Cross this bridge that’s in between
Walk with me for I know the way
For where you are today, I’ve once been

Ironically Impressed!

Ever since I became aware of the nature's play, I was drawn by the sheer entertainment it provided. There seemed nothing more exciting that quietly watch the nature unfold itself moment by moment. Obviously, it turned me into a docile doer and vigilant observer. The sheer irony of events often left me spell-bound.

What happened today on 13th June 2009 was something could quietly easily be ignored as insignificant by any sane soul, however for me this was another interesting episode of nature that I didn't want to miss.

It was my birthday! My brother asked me to go with my cousin to get some chicken from market. It was our way of celebrating. Being a family of passionate non-vegetarians, thinking about chicken didn't seem odd. It was obvious. But something struck me the moment I heard the request.

Many years ago, I went through a similar incident. My family have always been a non-vegetarian. I was however, inclined towards being vegetarian. My father always used to joke about this saying I don't belong to the family - that I am the black sheep.

On my 10th birthday, my father took me to the slaughter house. It was the same thing. They wanted to celebrate and having "non-veg" meal seemed to be the unanimous choice. He was probably not aware of what was about to happen in the slaughter house, nor was I for that matter. So we went.

At the slaughter house, Dad ordered for a full piece of Goat! He bargained on the price and told how many pounds of weight the goat should weight, since the weight decided the price.

The slaughterer looked around for the right piece. Just that moment, lot of goats entered the house. There was new dispatch, a truck full of goats. They were being ushered in by the transporter. The slaughterer looked amongst them and grabbed hold of one by its neck. As soon as the goat was being pulled out, another goat followed. Instinctively, I felt the goat following was the mother. Then it dawned upon me that the slaughterer had picked up the youngest one amongst the lot because we had placed a small order.

I wondered, how fate decided that the young one should die that day. When others around him had already tasted life for a longer time, shouldn't the younger one too be allowed to experience the beauty of life for a little longer? Somehow I couldn't shake my thoughts off. I was stuck at the sheer brutality of the fate. But then a slam shook me and I was brought back from my thoughts to witness another act of brutality. The young goat was lying on the floor. It's body shuddering while the slaughterer still had its neck in his grip. He had simply slammed the goat on the floor and the impact was fatal. The goat breathed out a moan and then lay motionless.

I looked around. The slam of death had got everyone's attention - the fellow slaughterers, other buyers and the spared goats.

I excused myself and walked out. A while later, Dad came out carrying a black polythene bag with a chunk of meat. Black I thought was the right color that was used by the slaughterers to give away the meat. It was dark dead. Black justifies it.
That day, I announced to my family that I am becoming a vegetarian. I used to be a vegetarian but occasionally I used to have non-veg. That day, I decided to completely quit having "non-veg".

My family was not surprised, but they enquired and I narrated the story. None could see it the way I witnessed it. Since then till few years ago, I was a vegetarian by choice. Recently, however, for the sake of sheer convenience I started having "non-veg" occasionally. My main intention was to avoid giving my reasons to people around me for being "veggie". My being veggies always made me an odd-man out and I became the topic of conversation in every get-together and party. It was difficult to explain to people something knowing that they will not relate to it. Also, what bothered me was that, my choice put a tap on their choices. Me being around, they had to plan out differently.

To make things easier, I simply started having "non-veg" one day. Also, after so many years, the impressions of that old incident had faded.

Today, when I was out with my cousin I was recollecting the event again. We went to a stall, which looked abandoned from a distance. When we reached closer, we saw a small kid there. My cousin placed the order, assuming the kid would do the job. But for me he was too small to be in that place.

The kid took the ordered and got on to work. I watched him patiently. He took out one chicken after another, curled their wings and placed them on the weigh machine. He did this till he found the one that suited the bill.

Then he placed the chicken on the table, picked up a knife, rubbed the knife against the body of the chicken to wipe it clean and in an instant, slit its throat. Then he threw it into a drum. The chicken dashed insanely against the walls of the drums. I watched the face of the kid. He had gone on to another task, meeting another customer's demand. His eyes didn't flinch, His hand didn't shake and his face showed no sign of any emotion. He was doing it just like any other job. No thoughts whatsoever crossed his mind at that moment. He was busy with the task at hand.

A while later, the struggle of the helpless chicken was over. He peeped into the drum to confirm if the chicken is dead completely. He picked it up looked at my cousin and asked if we would like big pieces or small.

He ripped the feathered skin of the chicken's body, chopped the chicken at several places, threw away the unwanted stuff and cleaned the remaining part. His hands worked like it had been trained well. He didn't even have to look at what they were doing.

In a matter of moments, I witnessed life being reduced to piece of flesh, a part of which was going to merge with mine a litter latter. I wanted to experience the same emotion I went through few years back when I was in the similar situation, but unfortunately, this time, I caught myself smiling as I witnessed the whole incident.

After these many years, if I have learnt one thing about nature, it is that the whole play is meant to happen and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. In that moment I felt connected with that chicken that was dead, the kid who slew it and my own self that would consume it. Various entities coming together to form a play just because nature intended it to be so.

I asked my cousin what would be the kid's age. My cousin said, probably 12 -13. The thirteen hit me again.

I turned to the kid who had just portrayed the darkest act of mercilessness and asked him for his name. He said it was - "Rahim". Ironically, "Rahim" means "The Merciful".

I smiled yet again. Nature was at its damndest best in this game of Life. What a game it is. I started off as a "non-veggie", went on to become a "veggie" and have recently returned to be a "non-veggie". Feels like life had come a full circle. Which also means it's probably my time to return "Home". :)

~Shunyatha

Thoughts after all

To fly, he craved

Though human, he was

A fool, wise called him

Taught him, the clause

A man, you are

Never, will you fly

Wings, you lack

Why even try

This earth, I rule

Supreme, am I

A bird can do

Why, can’t I

On hill, he stood

Beneath, valley steeped

Arms spread wide

In faith, he leaped

Soaked, in blood

He stayed dead

A bird came by

To him, it said

Like all, you too

With limits are bound

Some meant to fly

Some to stay in ground

A role, each is given

To each, as it fits

Like all, you see around

You too have limits

In pain, he spilled

His words like fire

If limits I have

They why the desire

Thoughts after all

Wander, they will

Some, to feed

Some, to kill

What You want to do v/s What needs to be done

It’s a situation that each one of us goes through. A crossroad we stand at, almost every day. It’s a choice, everyone has to make every so often.

It’s not hard to recollect incidents like these. It happens to everyone. What path do you choose when you stand at such a crossroad? Are you always inclined towards doing what you want to do or you are the person who always does what needs to be done.

The path you choose reveals who we are and determines the experience you’ll have.

If you chose to do what you want…

You will end up achieving almost everything you dreamed of. There won’t be any regret on that front. Life would be satisfying and you will get to say – “Been there, done that” a lot.

On the flip side, you will be pleasing none but yourself; and that would alienate many people. Though you will be happy, you won’t have any worthwhile friend to share that happiness with. People may accept your presence but they will always see you as a self-centered person.

If you choose to do what needs to be done…

You will end up being a problem solver for everyone. You will be respected for your selflessness and many will flock around as friends. For being with you would give them the assurance that there’s someone who’ll always do the right thing no matter what.

On the flip side though, you won’t feel content deep within. Your life will be full of compromises, leaving behind a feeling of emptiness that would remind you of the million opportunities you missed in your lifetime.

Either ways, you lose something that matters. Whether it’s the being loved or being content, you will always miss it, inspite of having the one you most wanted. It’s inevitable.

Is there a way that would give us best of both worlds? Probably!

Why take just one stand throughout your life. Life is not constant. Why should your decisions be? Why shouldn’t you choose the path based on the situation.

If it feels right to go for what we want, then so be it. But if we realize that we should be doing what needs to be done, than may as well do that. This way, every situation will be new and you will be a new person every time. And at all times, you will be content knowing that you’ve done the right thing. It doesn’t matter, if at sometimes you are just doing what is right for you as long as at other times you are doing what is right for others.

Life is a onetime experience. You have a limited time in which you have to meet the eternal purpose of your existence. It’s not wise to have a single pattern of behavior all throughout your life. Most importantly, it’s not expected of you. Life is infinitely variable. It changes every moment, and then why shouldn’t you?

So don’t bother about being content or being loved all the time. There’s nothing wrong in failing to meet other people’s expectation just as much as there’s nothing wrong in being dissatisfied at times. If it’s a moment of social acceptance, so be it. And if it’s a moment of self gratification, then so be it. Just do what you can and be ok with whatever life gives you.

Life of Change

All my life I changed a little
A little for mom, little for dad
Even a little for my bro and sis
For they too felt I was little bad

Thought that was it, but I was wrong
The change went on and on
A little for my teacher, little for my pals
I kept changing from dusk to dawn

A little for the girl of my dream
A little for the kids that she gave
A little for the people next door,
For the society that taught me to behave

I kept changing to please the “Others”
Lived for them like a slave
I would have been happy being “Me”
If only I had been a little brave