Ironically Impressed!

Ever since I became aware of the nature's play, I was drawn by the sheer entertainment it provided. There seemed nothing more exciting that quietly watch the nature unfold itself moment by moment. Obviously, it turned me into a docile doer and vigilant observer. The sheer irony of events often left me spell-bound.

What happened today on 13th June 2009 was something could quietly easily be ignored as insignificant by any sane soul, however for me this was another interesting episode of nature that I didn't want to miss.

It was my birthday! My brother asked me to go with my cousin to get some chicken from market. It was our way of celebrating. Being a family of passionate non-vegetarians, thinking about chicken didn't seem odd. It was obvious. But something struck me the moment I heard the request.

Many years ago, I went through a similar incident. My family have always been a non-vegetarian. I was however, inclined towards being vegetarian. My father always used to joke about this saying I don't belong to the family - that I am the black sheep.

On my 10th birthday, my father took me to the slaughter house. It was the same thing. They wanted to celebrate and having "non-veg" meal seemed to be the unanimous choice. He was probably not aware of what was about to happen in the slaughter house, nor was I for that matter. So we went.

At the slaughter house, Dad ordered for a full piece of Goat! He bargained on the price and told how many pounds of weight the goat should weight, since the weight decided the price.

The slaughterer looked around for the right piece. Just that moment, lot of goats entered the house. There was new dispatch, a truck full of goats. They were being ushered in by the transporter. The slaughterer looked amongst them and grabbed hold of one by its neck. As soon as the goat was being pulled out, another goat followed. Instinctively, I felt the goat following was the mother. Then it dawned upon me that the slaughterer had picked up the youngest one amongst the lot because we had placed a small order.

I wondered, how fate decided that the young one should die that day. When others around him had already tasted life for a longer time, shouldn't the younger one too be allowed to experience the beauty of life for a little longer? Somehow I couldn't shake my thoughts off. I was stuck at the sheer brutality of the fate. But then a slam shook me and I was brought back from my thoughts to witness another act of brutality. The young goat was lying on the floor. It's body shuddering while the slaughterer still had its neck in his grip. He had simply slammed the goat on the floor and the impact was fatal. The goat breathed out a moan and then lay motionless.

I looked around. The slam of death had got everyone's attention - the fellow slaughterers, other buyers and the spared goats.

I excused myself and walked out. A while later, Dad came out carrying a black polythene bag with a chunk of meat. Black I thought was the right color that was used by the slaughterers to give away the meat. It was dark dead. Black justifies it.
That day, I announced to my family that I am becoming a vegetarian. I used to be a vegetarian but occasionally I used to have non-veg. That day, I decided to completely quit having "non-veg".

My family was not surprised, but they enquired and I narrated the story. None could see it the way I witnessed it. Since then till few years ago, I was a vegetarian by choice. Recently, however, for the sake of sheer convenience I started having "non-veg" occasionally. My main intention was to avoid giving my reasons to people around me for being "veggie". My being veggies always made me an odd-man out and I became the topic of conversation in every get-together and party. It was difficult to explain to people something knowing that they will not relate to it. Also, what bothered me was that, my choice put a tap on their choices. Me being around, they had to plan out differently.

To make things easier, I simply started having "non-veg" one day. Also, after so many years, the impressions of that old incident had faded.

Today, when I was out with my cousin I was recollecting the event again. We went to a stall, which looked abandoned from a distance. When we reached closer, we saw a small kid there. My cousin placed the order, assuming the kid would do the job. But for me he was too small to be in that place.

The kid took the ordered and got on to work. I watched him patiently. He took out one chicken after another, curled their wings and placed them on the weigh machine. He did this till he found the one that suited the bill.

Then he placed the chicken on the table, picked up a knife, rubbed the knife against the body of the chicken to wipe it clean and in an instant, slit its throat. Then he threw it into a drum. The chicken dashed insanely against the walls of the drums. I watched the face of the kid. He had gone on to another task, meeting another customer's demand. His eyes didn't flinch, His hand didn't shake and his face showed no sign of any emotion. He was doing it just like any other job. No thoughts whatsoever crossed his mind at that moment. He was busy with the task at hand.

A while later, the struggle of the helpless chicken was over. He peeped into the drum to confirm if the chicken is dead completely. He picked it up looked at my cousin and asked if we would like big pieces or small.

He ripped the feathered skin of the chicken's body, chopped the chicken at several places, threw away the unwanted stuff and cleaned the remaining part. His hands worked like it had been trained well. He didn't even have to look at what they were doing.

In a matter of moments, I witnessed life being reduced to piece of flesh, a part of which was going to merge with mine a litter latter. I wanted to experience the same emotion I went through few years back when I was in the similar situation, but unfortunately, this time, I caught myself smiling as I witnessed the whole incident.

After these many years, if I have learnt one thing about nature, it is that the whole play is meant to happen and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. In that moment I felt connected with that chicken that was dead, the kid who slew it and my own self that would consume it. Various entities coming together to form a play just because nature intended it to be so.

I asked my cousin what would be the kid's age. My cousin said, probably 12 -13. The thirteen hit me again.

I turned to the kid who had just portrayed the darkest act of mercilessness and asked him for his name. He said it was - "Rahim". Ironically, "Rahim" means "The Merciful".

I smiled yet again. Nature was at its damndest best in this game of Life. What a game it is. I started off as a "non-veggie", went on to become a "veggie" and have recently returned to be a "non-veggie". Feels like life had come a full circle. Which also means it's probably my time to return "Home". :)

~Shunyatha

Thoughts after all

To fly, he craved

Though human, he was

A fool, wise called him

Taught him, the clause

A man, you are

Never, will you fly

Wings, you lack

Why even try

This earth, I rule

Supreme, am I

A bird can do

Why, can’t I

On hill, he stood

Beneath, valley steeped

Arms spread wide

In faith, he leaped

Soaked, in blood

He stayed dead

A bird came by

To him, it said

Like all, you too

With limits are bound

Some meant to fly

Some to stay in ground

A role, each is given

To each, as it fits

Like all, you see around

You too have limits

In pain, he spilled

His words like fire

If limits I have

They why the desire

Thoughts after all

Wander, they will

Some, to feed

Some, to kill

Emotionless

I don’t understand grief, nor sorrow or agony.

These feelings of mind seems absent in me

I don’t understand joy, nor pleasure or ecstasy

These experiences of life too are alien to me

I don’t have any emotion that’s supposed to be

Yet their absence don’t make my life empty

The Theory of “Feelings”

You know, every time we express our Feelings we are actually lying… at least theoretically!

Theoretically a Lie is defined as - “a statement that deviates from or perverts the truth.” This is the case every time words are used to express Feelings.

I am not saying we are all cheats because our intention is not to betray the other person. Rather we are mere victims of inability of the language to express Feelings.

Take for an example, a case when you have said to someone - “I like you!”

What exactly happens within you?
You meet someone and begin to interact with that person. Depending upon the outcome of the interaction you either feel comfortable or uncomfortable. Now the way the mind works, the Feeling of comfort or discomfort is associated with the other person and not the interaction. Mind has this tendency to think in terms of action. It doesn’t consider anything has a happening. For it there everything is an action and there is always a doer behind every action. So when you feel uncomfortable, the mind says - “This person is making me uncomfortable”. Similarly, when you feel comfortable, the mind says - “I feel comfortable with this person”. If the interaction provides pleasure in addition to comfort, you feel happy; and mind says - “This person makes me happy”.

That is what happens in Reality! It is just an incident where a particular interaction has lead to you Feeling happy! But while conveying it to the other person, you say - “I like you!” Theoretically this is an action that you claim to do, but in Reality it was an incident that happened to you!

See the difference?

This holds true for every Feeling that we try to express! What we feel, is an incident that happens to us. And what we express, is an action that we or someone else is doing!

The difference is not just that!

When you say - “I like you!” to someone, the statement doesn’t have an expiry period. An incident is relevant only for a moment, but an action can continue forever. So if suddenly some day you are acting unfriendly, it leaves the other person perplexed. This person then begins to wonder what went wrong between you two.

Also, the act of expressing your Feeling demands an infinite loop of Reaction. The person who expressed the Feeling believes in his action and is now expecting a similar action from the other person. And if the loop is broken at any point than the person who is responsible for the inaction becomes the cause of discomfort.

Eventually, the “I like you!” changes to “I hate you!”

If we run down the memory lane of the Human history, you will realize that no wise person has ever claimed to have known Love! What holds true for Love holds true for any other form of Feeling. Love is just a reference to the ultimate state of pleasure a Human can experience. When the pleasure of someone’s company crosses all boundaries, it transforms into Ecstasy and your mind tells you that you are in love with that person. But at the core, it’s just a Feeling.

Feeling in its truest form is incomprehensible by Humans! To understand a Feeling you need to conceptualize it first and that requires you to speak to yourself. Now, whether you are speaking to yourself or others, you are using language; a language that was devised by Humans to communicate with other beings. A language is a product of Human mind. It works fine when you use it to express Thought processes. Thoughts originate from the Mind. In fact it is a Thought that has led to the invention of a Language. So Language is well-equipped to convey Thoughts. But Feeling is a state of being. It doesn’t originate in the Mind. Rather your Mind tries to comprehend it logically. There’s nothing logical about a Feeling. It is a state of Being that you pass through every now and then. There’s no way a Thought, a product of Mind can help you decipher the complexity of a Feeling that resonates outside the Mind.

Conclusively, what you cannot understand, you cannot explain! The fact is there is no way to express Feelings. But if we were to stop expressing our Feelings than how can we convey it to the other person? Every attempt of yours to do so is just an error in interpretation of that which is absolutely inexpressible.

This is where I begin to wonder? Why in the first place do we want to convey our Feelings? Every Human action is influenced by a Desire to achieve a set Goal. If we are conveying our Feelings, what we hope in return is that the other person reciprocates in a similar way. It’s a part of our tendency to be social. We want to be closely connected with certain set of people, who make us feel comfortable. To keep them close to us, we try to express our Feelings. If they convey the same Feeling it is understood that the two are connected and will remain so till the situation changes between them, to be precise one of them breaks the loop of expression.

The Theory of “Concepts”

This article requires a sequel that will probably never be written. As it happens with most of my articles, the sequel too has been shelved before it could take off. Somehow, this one survived my scrutiny and resistance, and flowed out.

Let me begin with a question!

How do you authenticate a “fact”? How do you come to believe in something?

Is your belief based on your sensory perceptions? Perhaps, Yes!

Most people often say that they believe what they see with their own eyes. Now, this statement is arguable as it is. But even if we take it to be the case, then how can we justify things we see but doesn’t exist. The fact that you have seen it doesn’t confirm that it exists.

Why is it that in spite of being forewarned about mirages, your mind expects water when it sees one in a desert? What happens to you when a magician creates an illusion and you tend to believe in it for that moment at least? And how do you explain cases of hallucinations.

The Eye has a tendency to be deceived. Can it then be trusted? And Eye is supposed to be the most powerful of all our senses. If you are blindfolded than all your senses can betray you. A perfume can give out smell of a rose; a mimic artist can make you believe he is someone else; and you can touch a fish and feel it’s a jelly. None of our senses can guarantee authenticity of our belief, neither individually nor as a whole.

How then, do you come to believe in something?
In Reality, You don’t believe in the sensory perceptions, you believe in the stories that go around them. You believe in the Theories. These Theories form Concepts that you believe in.

Now, if you were to buy my concept about your belief being merely a Concept than you will definitely argue. ;)

There are lots of instances where things are as you see, or hear or smell or feel. But then these sensory elements only help to build perception; and perception is built around theories; and theories are what we get hooked to.

Whether you have seen it or not, you will believe in UFOs because as a Concept it is interesting. You will believe in Godmen and Reincarnations, in Past-Life and Karma, in Seeking and Enlightenment. All these are nothing but Concepts that has been bought and sold for ages.

Who amongst us can guarantee a reincarnation? Just because someone somewhere remembered some events that didn’t happen in the supposed current lifespan, it is assumed that the person has reincarnated. If at all that is true than how are we different than the recycled bottles. Our body primarily is constitutes of Energy and Energy by nature is Eternal. It never dies; just changes form. So it’s quite possible we are changing forms and not actually dying or being born again. But you want to believe in Reincarnation because it’s fascinating. It engages your mind that has a phobia of Inactivity.

You indulge in these fantasies because if not for these concepts your mind will be left with nothing but Emptiness and that is scary. You probably would prefer to believe in Astrology than to accept the fact that what we call “the future” is unpredictable. Your mind is paralyzed by the fear of Uncertainty. So in its bid to comfort self, it weaves a Concept. And just so that the Concept is believable you try to sell that concept to others. The more the others believe in it, the more your belief is strengthened. And your mind is relieved of the undeniable state of Existence. Since mind cannot deal with it, it chooses to escape it, and the only way mind can do this is by engaging in some or other thoughts. Concepts fuel thoughts and mind is kept busy.

But eventually, when the mind gets tired and settles down and your left in a state of thoughtlessness your begin to realize that all Concepts that you have believed since the beginning is meaningless and worthless.

That moment of thoughtlessness also rids your mind of thoughts associated with the fear of uncertainty. In the absence of fear, there is no need for the mind to escape and to indulge in fantasy. You are then left on your own to relax and enjoy your state of being as it is without any Concept attached to it!

If that ever happens to you, you will realize…
All that your mind has ever conceived is merely a Concept including the ones that you refer has God, Love and Life!

And that’s where the sequel begins. So I will stop here!