Love V/s True Love!

I am sure we might have heard some one saying, “This time, it’s a true love.” Perhaps we might have said it ourselves.

What I am trying to convey is that we talk about Love and True Love as if they are different from each other. What we see around us is LOVE. And then suddenly we find someone who acts differently than the average rational human. We admire the person and make a statement – That’s a True Love.

Does this mean that the other Love that inflicts the average humans is not a true one? It is hard to nod an Yes to that question.

The other day I was having an argument over this with a friend of mine. My friend held an opinion that –“Ups and Downs are there in all Relationships.”

I argued that – “That shouldn’t be the case. There can be Ups and Downs in Life events, but why should there be any in a Relationship?”

“We have just formed this concept to console ourselves because we have yet not figured out a way to have a conflict-free Relationship. And it is hard and perhaps impossible for some to accept that the fault lies with us.”

Continuing with my argument I stated, “What at present, humans experience is not Love. It’s a Psuedo Love. I am not saying people are cheating on their loved ones. What I am saying is, we have been cheated ourselves. For ages, we have got this definition of love and we have come to believe in it.”

What we experience when we find someone special, we call it Love.

Mostly we do it because almost everyone is seeking a Relationship as if it is a Life Support System. Relationship has been hyped to such an extent that Life appears to be incomplete if you are not in a Relationship. And to get into a Relationship, you need to Love. So Love becomes the most cherished emotion.

Definitely, none of us have any clear idea of what Love is.

If a guy falls for a girl just because he finds her attractive, it is called Love.
If a girl starts dating a guy just because he fits her criteria’s of a Life Partner, it is called Love.

The saddest part is that for most people – Love doesn’t happen. They make it happen.
People go to great heights to achieve a Relationship. They compromise and forgive, if required. Some even kill themselves or worst kill other people for the sake of their relationship.

All is done in the name of Love, for the sake of Love. And then the lovers eagerly get into a Relationship. Once the Relationship is formed the goal is achieved. Then there seems no need to put in any more efforts. So they comfortably start being themselves and that’s when the conflict arises. When we start being comfortable we unknowingly ignore if the other person is getting uncomfortable with us. Most of the time our default nature is not acceptable to the other person. That is why we mask it in the beginning of a Relationship. But the mask has to be taken off. It can’t be kept on forever. And when we reveal our default nature we end up causing trouble in the Relationship.

Either one decides to quit a relationship or decides to bring about changes in the other person so the relationship can become feasible for oneself.

This feeling is mutual. So both partners keep fighting about what the other person should have or shouldn’t have done.

Obviously, no one likes being judged as Wrong. Some defend themselves and keep the grudge within while others argue and omit their feelings out on their partner.

Thus begins arguments, fights and often it ends in a Divorce. Not necessarily, a Divorce is a legal separation. For me a Divorce has happened when one of the partners has already thought of quitting the relationship. Whether or not the partners go for Divorce, doesn’t make a difference.

We have seen our parents and relatives fighting. We hear the same stuff in the stories we share amongst friends. We get the same stories in the Novels we read, movies we see.

It is fed into us every now and then. We are bound to accept that “All relationships go through Ups and Downs.” It is not anyone’s fault. When the whole humanity thinks alike, it obviously isn’t one person’s fault.

My friend refused to agree with me.

Yet, I still believe – Relationships need not go through Ups and Downs.

Because the Ups and Downs happen when we follow the Ego. It is our Ego that tells us that the other person is Wrong and needs to change. It is our Ego that tells us that we know what is best for our loved ones and that is why we should lead and others should follow. It is our Ego that wants Life to move in the way it wants. It is our Ego that causes all conflicts.

But the problem is that the Ego has so taken over ourselves, that we have been totally covered up with it and lost our true identity. When we judge someone we judge the Ego of the person, but we point our fingers at the person. Because the thin line between the Ego and the true Self is invisible to us. And the person who has been judged, doesn’t realize that it is the Ego that is being judged and takes it personally. Even to this person the thin line between the Ego and the Self is invisible. So this person now nurses negative feelings towards the person who judged. And, now to this person, the person who judged becomes Wrong. This person too fails to see the Ego in the other person.

It is the same story with all of us. We don’t realize the very act of judging is an activity of the Ego and not of the Self. So the loop goes on – We judge and get judged in return. And in the process make a mess of our Relationships.

I still believe that the Love we see around and the Love we experience is a Pseudo Love.

True Love leaves no scope for Conflicts.