The Theory of “Feelings”

You know, every time we express our Feelings we are actually lying… at least theoretically!

Theoretically a Lie is defined as - “a statement that deviates from or perverts the truth.” This is the case every time words are used to express Feelings.

I am not saying we are all cheats because our intention is not to betray the other person. Rather we are mere victims of inability of the language to express Feelings.

Take for an example, a case when you have said to someone - “I like you!”

What exactly happens within you?
You meet someone and begin to interact with that person. Depending upon the outcome of the interaction you either feel comfortable or uncomfortable. Now the way the mind works, the Feeling of comfort or discomfort is associated with the other person and not the interaction. Mind has this tendency to think in terms of action. It doesn’t consider anything has a happening. For it there everything is an action and there is always a doer behind every action. So when you feel uncomfortable, the mind says - “This person is making me uncomfortable”. Similarly, when you feel comfortable, the mind says - “I feel comfortable with this person”. If the interaction provides pleasure in addition to comfort, you feel happy; and mind says - “This person makes me happy”.

That is what happens in Reality! It is just an incident where a particular interaction has lead to you Feeling happy! But while conveying it to the other person, you say - “I like you!” Theoretically this is an action that you claim to do, but in Reality it was an incident that happened to you!

See the difference?

This holds true for every Feeling that we try to express! What we feel, is an incident that happens to us. And what we express, is an action that we or someone else is doing!

The difference is not just that!

When you say - “I like you!” to someone, the statement doesn’t have an expiry period. An incident is relevant only for a moment, but an action can continue forever. So if suddenly some day you are acting unfriendly, it leaves the other person perplexed. This person then begins to wonder what went wrong between you two.

Also, the act of expressing your Feeling demands an infinite loop of Reaction. The person who expressed the Feeling believes in his action and is now expecting a similar action from the other person. And if the loop is broken at any point than the person who is responsible for the inaction becomes the cause of discomfort.

Eventually, the “I like you!” changes to “I hate you!”

If we run down the memory lane of the Human history, you will realize that no wise person has ever claimed to have known Love! What holds true for Love holds true for any other form of Feeling. Love is just a reference to the ultimate state of pleasure a Human can experience. When the pleasure of someone’s company crosses all boundaries, it transforms into Ecstasy and your mind tells you that you are in love with that person. But at the core, it’s just a Feeling.

Feeling in its truest form is incomprehensible by Humans! To understand a Feeling you need to conceptualize it first and that requires you to speak to yourself. Now, whether you are speaking to yourself or others, you are using language; a language that was devised by Humans to communicate with other beings. A language is a product of Human mind. It works fine when you use it to express Thought processes. Thoughts originate from the Mind. In fact it is a Thought that has led to the invention of a Language. So Language is well-equipped to convey Thoughts. But Feeling is a state of being. It doesn’t originate in the Mind. Rather your Mind tries to comprehend it logically. There’s nothing logical about a Feeling. It is a state of Being that you pass through every now and then. There’s no way a Thought, a product of Mind can help you decipher the complexity of a Feeling that resonates outside the Mind.

Conclusively, what you cannot understand, you cannot explain! The fact is there is no way to express Feelings. But if we were to stop expressing our Feelings than how can we convey it to the other person? Every attempt of yours to do so is just an error in interpretation of that which is absolutely inexpressible.

This is where I begin to wonder? Why in the first place do we want to convey our Feelings? Every Human action is influenced by a Desire to achieve a set Goal. If we are conveying our Feelings, what we hope in return is that the other person reciprocates in a similar way. It’s a part of our tendency to be social. We want to be closely connected with certain set of people, who make us feel comfortable. To keep them close to us, we try to express our Feelings. If they convey the same Feeling it is understood that the two are connected and will remain so till the situation changes between them, to be precise one of them breaks the loop of expression.